Our kitchen Master has today dedicated himself in ensuring that you learn how to make ugali for yourself, however, if you have a family that’s perfect because anyone can eat Ugali.
I am about to forget, Slay queens don’t eat ugali but sausages served with eggs and some milk, how you will interpret this statement is purely none of my concern.
Now you can choose to be naked or wear your boxer or a red thong for ladies. This is not an ill motive but because I care about the Climate change, its hot nowadays. I want nothing like obstruction during this Sunday’s noble exercise, we have to munch on ugali and nothing else.
Let’s get back to business before hunger strikes;
Instruction -1.
Put clean water in a big sufuria, I mean enough water since you should not leave the house with your stomach half empty, don’t care much about the economy it’s not changing anytime soon so continue losing hope am not here to give motivational talks but cook ugali.
Instruction -2.
Put your sufuria full of water on a jiko, try dancing a little bit to the ‘Yesu Ninyandue’ Gospel song by Pastor William Getumbe until you feel ‘Lord am coming home please receive me’ and until water boils up. I am sure by now you are sweating like a tsetse fly but please don’t rest, take your maize flour and pour little by little as you star your pot. Today being a blessed Sunday things in your kitchen and hot, jokes aside.
Instruction -3.
Since the ugali is in the porridge level and considering you are in your innerwear of course you are in danger especially when the porridge jumps to some ‘parts’ of the body, please leave the kitchen and go to the living room, watch TV as the fan is on for five minutes then walk back to the kitchen.
Instruction -4.
Add more maize flour and star while you are in a ‘bend over’ style. Remember here we want our Ugali to be tasty and sweet so make your butt abit raised at the back and shake it a little bit as you star your Ugali until it’s hard, I mean hard enough for the stomach.
Instruction -5.
By using your fingers take a bit of it and throw it on the wall, if it falls down, my dear friend you have a long way to go in the kitchen but when it sticks on the wall it will remain stuck in the stomach, in whichever case, we are about to eat it.
Instruction -6.
Since you are now sweating and you don’t know what to do, don’t be in a hurry to put your Ugali on the plate, go out where there are clothes lines, remove your boxers and other underwears for ladies, also remove other clothes then go back and throw them on your bed. Most of my friends are dirty wearing boxers until all are dirty then you wash them at once and you realise that you can’t even go outside because you have no inner garment. Please from today improve on your personal grooming.
Instruction-7.
Now our gali is ready, put it on the plate and without wasting time eat it while its hot with hot tea whether strong or milk tea no meat, fish or vegetables here. This menu is meant for breakfast and not lunch or supper. By the way you can choose to eat it while naked or you can put on your clothes, you can as well invite a neighbour, the opposite gender or do it alone since none contributed for the maize flour. I hope you will enjoy today’s recipe. Have a beautiful Sunday won’t you!
